10 years. I promise you. 10 whole years and my kids don’t remember me being there on a single holiday. They look back and where am I? Nowhere to be seen. I had become the invisible mother, and I didn’t know it.
I was the one behind the camera not in front of it. My kids don’t even remember me being there because every time they look at photos I was absent. Invisible. Silent
And it wasn’t fair
It’s not that they didn’t want me in the photos, quite the opposite they would ask me to join them. But I would always hesitate, make some excuse and back away. To be really blunt, I hated the way I looked back then. I wouldn’t even want to look at myself in a mirror (and I know I’m not the only one). I would even avoid going to shops where they would have mirrors dotted around the store so you could try things on – was so worried about catching a glimpse of that frumpy, middle-aged woman. Scared that it was who I really was.
I know it’s hard being a mum. We don’t always get time to do make up (let alone hair – hello mum-bun!). The kids need us. Our partners need us. The house…our parents…the pets…our jobs….and…and…and….
But we cannot be bottom of the pile. It’s just not fair. We do need to get in those pictures. Create those memories. Our children need those memories of us holding them, laughing with them, treasuring them. They need to see us open and vulnerable and accepting of ourselves or what are we really teaching them? Showing them that they shouldn’t love their bodies or it’s not ok to be imperfect? We know that’s not what we want.
They will one day want to show THEIR children that yes, sorry, they did get granny’s big nose, or look – you have her smile, or her green eyes. They want to know that this was the woman who sat up all night every night they were poorly, or held their hand when they were scared. Remember us when we were young.
I have never once looked at a photo of my mother and seen bad hair, or extra weight around the middle. I’ve never looked at pictures of my childhood and thought – she could have made one effort! I see her with my brother and me, smiling and enjoying our lives together.
I want my children to look back and just see how LOVED they were.
Are you an invisible mother?
Have you ever felt like this? Ashamed of how you look and out of love with your body? Do you have a lack of self-confidence and faith in yourself? Do you take the photos rather than be in them? Ever have days where you feel worthless and just so unhappy but don’t know why?
I know how you feel. I honestly felt the same. I hit rock bottom 2 years ago and I just decided no more. Not only was I going to fall in love with my body (and myself) again, but I was also going to be loud and proud in my children’s lives and show them what it means to be a confident, happy and secure woman. And I found a way to do it.
What I know for sure
What I know for sure is that we only have one body, one life and we should love ourselves. In a world where we are told what we should look like, it takes courage and bravery to be happy with exactly who you are, but happiness is an inside job. No one has the power to make you happy except YOU.
What can you do right now to stop being invisible?
Follow these 3 steps right away to start your journey back to a peaceful relationship with yourself, your body, and how you view yourself:
1) Love the body you have, not the body you wish you had. Curves and all. Skinny knees and all. Flat boobs, big boobs, saggy boobs, whatever. Your body is your friend, honour it, look after it and it will do so much more for you.
2) Learn how to take a good selfie. Seriously, this is a thing. It’s about lighting, and angles and knowing how you look best. Fall in love with your best side, your best features and you will learn to be much more comfortable with other people taking pictures of you too. Then take loads of pictures!!! I mean all the time… with your kids, on your own and let it become normal again.
3) Call in the professionals. You would be surprised how accessible great make up artists are, and how little it will actually cost you for a make up lesson (especially at some of the top brands where the cost of the lesson is redeemable against products). And… you will save so much on buying make up that doesn’t suit your skin type, features, or colouring.
Would you like me to hold your hand and guide you?
Learning about confidence, inside and outside sassiness, self faith, and falling in love with yourself are all things I will guide and teach you in my signature Sassy Ever After programme. And I get it, I understand how you feel, you’re not used to putting yourself first. I used to feel like I couldn’t afford to invest in me, like everyone else (especially the kids) had to take priority. But what I found is that the happier I was, the happier they were. The more frustrated and ‘down’ I was then they were too. The time I spent on working on me has paid back a hundred-fold – just ask my kids!
If it’s time for you now, if it’s time to draw that line in the sand. If enough is enough and you want more happiness, joy, love, self-acceptance, and sassiness in your life click HERE to go straight to my Sassy Ever After signature programme
Would you like to talk to me? Need some advice on the best way forward for you and to learn more…click HERE and book a Sass Restoration Call today