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Happiness is an Inside Job

21st October 2018
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Most of us have been brought up to believe that some kind of external validation – be it relationship, achievement, or ‘thing’ will make us happy. And as soon as we own it, or have achieved it, well then…and only then… we will be happy. But far from it. Happiness is an inside job. It begins and ends with you, my darling girl.

We get attached to future events

So many people get caught up in the ‘once’, ‘when’, and ‘if’ stories that they create around happiness. I’ll be happy when I lose 2 dress sizes. Having the right job will make me happy. Once I have a partner (or a better one) I’ll be happy. What I know for sure darling, from the bottom of my heart, is that if you are waiting for something external (or someone) to connect you to your happiness, it will always elude you. Our wishes and desires never end, and as long as we are looking for them to validate our feelings or make us feel whole, we simply never will.

The other problem is that if you are waiting for someone else to come along and make you happy, for example you’re waiting for this ‘knight in shining armour’ to sweep into your life and rescue you, you are giving them the ultimate power. If they can ‘make’ you happy, they can also, therefore, make you unhappy too. No prizes for guessing why that would be a problem. No one else should be given the power make you happy (or unhappy), it really is an inside job.

So other people don’t matter?

No, it doesn’t mean that other people’s words and actions can’t trigger a reaction in you – of course they can – but how you let them affect you is up to you. It’s your choice. No one can make you feel anything you don’t give them permission to.

You can also choose how long you let them affect you for. I have a 5-minute rule that states that when things go wrong, or bad things happen (as they will to everyone on the planet), you get to behave badly for 5 minutes – and I mean as badly as you want. And I mean really badly – the kind of lying-on-the-floor-having-a-hissy-fit badly. But then after that time has passed you bounce back, draw a line underneath it and move on. You’re done! It’s a great tool to happiness.

So what does actually make us happy?

As I mentioned, happiness is an inside job. It’s also a result of being in the present moment, and being connected with ourselves. It’s almost a by-product of being love and compassionate with ourselves – of investing in ourselves, our desires, looking after our needs, and investing in our mindset and our health. And by this, I’m not implying the need to be selfish (see feed your fairy below) but more about being assured of your self-worth, being self focused enough to make sure that you, yourself, are ok sweetheart.

It’s also about experiencing the now, appreciating the beauty in the everyday as well as the extraordinary, and practicing gratitude for it.  Every moment that you spend looking to control other people, events, and the future is a moment of life that is lost and will never come back. If you are looking back you can feel anxious-guilt or regret; looking to the future and you might experience stress-anxiety or worry. Living in the now carries neither of these and is where happiness is created.

Happiness is a choice

Happiness is not something that happens to you when you are passively sitting there minding your own business. It’s something that you choose or don’t choose every moment. Research shows us that how we start our day is quite often how it continues. So why not choose something in the morning that sets your day up right? For me it’s setting the alarm 15 minutes early and meditating and feeling grounded. For others it might be going for a walk or practicing gratitude. Whatever it is, the point is to be aware of what starts your day off right.

Feed your fairy

Fairies love lightness, colour, and enchanting music. They are the little ethereal-lit beings that live inside of us. Almost like Tinkerbell in the movie ‘Hook’ who dies a little every time someone says that they don’t’ believe in fairies; our own fairies die a little with negativity, negative self-talk, mundane every day stresses, anxiety, worthless emotions, gossip, etc.

Our fairies are the parts of us that bring us joy, make us feel peaceful, alive, energized, happy…and well it’s a part of feeling SASSY too. When are fairies are bright & shining, life seems to get sprinkled with fairy dust, everything seems to be better – food is more delicious, the sunshine more radiant, work more productive, the party becomes more entertaining, etc.

So if we know what is killing our fairies, what makes them alive? Well, first of all, it’s so important to note that feeding our fairies should be a daily thing. We have 1,440 minutes each day – what’s 20 or 30 minutes (or even an hour) to feed our fairies when we know that it’s going make everything else more joyful and enjoyable for us. Seriously, sweetheart, take a few minutes of every day to do this and life becomes so much better?

Well, it’s a personal thing really to see what feeds your own fairy. Mine is fed on playing the piano, laughing with my children, singing in a choir, reading books, meditation, journaling, spending time in my hammock (don’t ask ;)) and being in nature, and listening to classical music (as I’m doing now as I write this worksheet – my creative fairy comes alive).

So what does YOUR fairy eat?

What your fairy likes to eat, depends on you. What brings you joy? What has brought you joy in your life – even as a little girl? What have you always wanted to try? These things don’t need to cost the earth, they don’t even need to take much time…but do them DAILY and you will see how they will massively boost your positivity, happiness and JOY in just one short week.

Now imagine that you do this every day for a month? WOW, just imagine if you did it every day for a year? How would you feel? What difference would it make in your life? I promise you, it will make your fairy shine bright and sing!!

Choose to move into self-love and compassion for yourself, and kindness and love for others to. Practice gratitude for what you are, and what/who you have in your life, feed your fairy every day and discover your happiness in the right now.

Click HERE to read my post all about “Feed Your Fairy”

Would you still love more?

If you would like to lean a bit more about this, then please click on the link below and watch my latest YouTube Video on the subject (and I would super-duper grateful if you subscribed to my channel too so that you can see future videos).


Happiness is something that I talk about a lot at my Sassy Ever After Live! Events. This is is just what you need – an afternoon of empowerment, fun, laughter, girlie escape, bubbles, gifts, and more…. right? So HERE is the link to our events page so you can have a look when the very next Sassy Ever After LIVE! Event is near you. I cannot wait to see you there!! Lots of love, Kate <3

Oooh – and a quick question… are you already in my Fab& FREE Coaching Group on Facebook? If not sweetheart, just click HERE and join now. YEY – see you there! Kate x