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How to Cure Yourself of Comparatitus

9th July 2018
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To learn how to cure yourself of comparatitus (comparing yourself to others), you have to understand first, and foremost, that it does NOT SERVE YOU in any way, shape or form sweetheart.

The problem with comparing yourself to others is that there is absolutely NOTHING TO GAIN and yet EVERYTHING TO LOSE (pride, dignity, motivation, etc.) – it only takes away from life. Comparatitus is literally the thief of all happiness. It will drop your confidence and bring out darker emotions like jealousy, inadequacy, anxiety, and stress.

So how to do we stop this destructive habit (and believe me, it is a habit, and can be ‘unlearned’ like other habits)

Here are my top tips to Cure Yourself of Comparatitus today:

1. Be aware (i.e. conscious) that you do this.

The first step in changing any habit is always to be aware that you do this. It’s important to consciously pay attention for the next few days so you can see how prevalent an issue this is currently in your life.

2. Identify your triggers and avoid them.

Social media is a big culprit for this one. There may be certain types of posts, and/or certain people, that trigger your comparatitus. You need to identify these triggers and consciously avoid them.

3. Don’t feel bad or berate yourself

It’s normal, it really is. We have ALL done it – or are still doing it. Don’t make yourself feel bad. The secret is to stop this habit rather than to give yourself a hard time about it.

4. Remind yourself that other people’s “outsides” can’t be compared to your “inside”.

Please remember that with the exception of very (very) few people, you will only know the ‘highlight reel’ of their lives – i.e. the stuff that they want you to see. They are showing you the shiny outside of their lives where everything seems nice and tidy and happy. If you compare your messy inside to their shiny outside you will always come off feeling much worse

5. You are too unique to compare your gifts/talents/successes.

How can you compare your IT skill and brilliance with people, to someone else’s baking and talent for languages? We all have our own particular brand of brilliance, but it will never ever be the exact same as someone else’s.

6. There is no end to the number of possible comparisons – don’t go down the rabbit  hole.

The list is literally endless! You could compare on looks, money, spouse, work, children, size of house, length of hair, newness of car, relationship with in-laws, clarity of skin, etc. it would never, ever end! Which means, that you could never, ever win…the competition would always be there and always keep going so better never to enter in the first place.

7. Repeat where necessary “money can’t buy happiness – and never will”

Some of the richest people I know, are also the unhappiest. I know someone who works in a very exclusive and luxurious resort, designed for the mega rich to unwind, and she’s told me recently that she’s never met a more miserable group of people.

Sure, not worrying about paying bills is great, and getting to go on holiday every year is awesome, but material things alone can never make you happy – they simply give you a very short-term, momentary buzz

8. Be insanely grateful for the good in your life and count your blessings

It’s a fact that negative emotions cannot live in a grateful heart. When we are feeling grateful and counting our blessings, it’s such a beautiful and peaceful thing, that you can’t at the same time harbour darker, more destructive emotions.

Writing down what you are most grateful for before bed has a wonderfully calming effect and can dramatically help towards and anxiety-free sleep. Re-reading them in the morning can start your day off right and induce a positive mood first thing

9. Use comparison to improve what actually matters

Most comparisons will be detrimental to your mood and motivation, but here is a chance to think of some that would actually be beneficial.  Have a think about 5 women that you really admire? They could be someone you actually know or someone famous, or someone that you follow online.

Now what I would like you to do is for the women above, list WHY you admire them, and I would like you to think of a quality/attribute that would INSPIRE you to improve what actually matters – e.g. they could be a great mum, a generous friend, a positive influence in your life, etc.

Use this to inspire and motivate you to improve what actually matters.

10. Identify and then focus on your own strengths

If you’re one of my clients, then we have already looked at your strengths earlier in this programme, so I want you to think about your top 3 from your assessment. If not, just have a think about what your top strengths are and then focus on how they can help you in your life and lead you towards your goals. Leading with your strengths rather than trying to minimise your weaknesses, will help you to flourish and thrive more.

11. Concentrate on the journey – not how you “rank” in comparison

You can’t compare where you are now to where someone else is – they may be on chapter 20 and you’re just on chapter 2 of your journey. Try not to think about it as a league or table of imaginary ‘rankings’ – rather focus on how far along you have come since you started out. (FYI, you have no idea how other women have struggled to get to where they are – it might have taken them twice the time to get where you are than it took you.)

12. Comparisons require metrics – how can we possibly measure what’s important?

How can we possibly measure what’s good in Iife? I order to do an accurate comparison you would need to measure love, or happiness, or success – but there are no possibly measurements (so it would never be an accurate measurement anyway).

13. Realise that comparatitus is making you focus on the wrong person.

When you are comparing yourself to others – you are giving them the energy that would be much better spent on yourself. Focus on YOU, your needs, desires, your journey and what you need to be the best version of you.

14. Know that this isn’t the end of your movie – you still have plenty of time.

If you’re in your 40s, you can pretty much assume that you’re only around half way through. You have so much time to make a fresh start, reinvent yourself, and do something new. You are not a finished work of art yet my lovely, so if there is something you really want to do or become, you have plenty of time to do that.

15. Be your own damn cheerleader.

No one is more important than yourself when it comes to cheerleading. Positive self-talk and self-faith (and congratulations) is like a pill to cure emotional pain.  Every time you say beautiful, kind, and wonderful things to yourself, your subconscious is listening and taking note. Start your day with positive affirmations (like some of the ones we talked about previously in the programme) and celebrate with great cheer all successes and accomplishments – from small to large!

16. Stop “shoulding” yourself.

The universe owes you nothing (sorry to be harsh). Although we grew up on this ideal of a knight in shining armour coming along to rescue us and that we would live happily ever after; the reality is that we need to be realistic about what is not what was supposed to have been. Thinking (or saying) things ‘should’ be different or someone ‘should’ behave in a different way is just a waste of your emotions and energy my darling girl.  Learn to accept what is and you then know the journey you need to go on to reach your goals when you know your true starting point.

17. So something practical to change your mood

Changing your surroundings can prompt a change in mind-set – and when you find comparatitus setting in it’s what you need. Practical thigs you can do include

  • Going for a walk
  • Standing up and stretching
  • Drinking a glass of ice cold water
  • Putting on some amazing music

Whatever it takes, it might just be small, but it just resets your mood, and reminds you to shift the feelings and emotions associated with comparatitus.

To learn more about comparatitus, watch my Youtube video that is all about this subject:

Comparatitus is something that I talk about a lot at my Sassy Ever After Live! Events. This is is just what you need – an afternoon of empowerment, fun, laughter, girlie escape, bubbles, gifts, and more…. right? So HERE is the link to our events page so you can have a look when the very next Sassy Ever After LIVE! Event is near you. I cannot wait to see you there!! Lots of love, Kate <3 

If you would like to join my SASSY NEWS and be the first to know about live events, new programmes, offers, advice, videos, and more then just click HERE my lovely.

Oooh – and a quick question… are you already in my Fab& FREE Coaching Group on Facebook? If not sweetheart, just click HERE and join now. YEY – see you there! Kate x