I know that Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but it gave me food for thought… if the person we spend most time with, the person who we listen to most, the one who has most influence of over the happiness of life is actually ourselves, then surely we should spend time learning to love ourselves truly, madly, deeply.
So, then my next thought was, what does that look like? How to we do that? If you can agree with me that your real work in life is to work on yourself, feed your fairy, and keep your cup full. You can only offer the rest of the world (and the people that you love) your full self when you’re full.
Your real purpose is to honour that.
I used to get upset when people would make comments like “oh, she’s so full of herself” and now I consider myself lucky that I’m so “full” of myself. I am full. My fairy is light and shiny.
With that in mind, my darling girl, here are my top tips to loving yourself:
- Say “no” when you need to. It’s a full sentence sweetheart. Boundaries are an essential form of self-care because they let others know what you expect and your respect levels.
- Don’t compareyourself to others – comparatitus is the thief of all joy and has ZERO benefit to you sweetheart.
- Be truly present. If you’re watching a funny film, watch it. If you’re working, block out at least an hour to get into the flow. If you’re with your children, give them your full attention.
- Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Our feelings are an integral part of who we are. You can’t be an authentic person without acknowledging and feeling all of your feelings. Don’t shy away from the uncomfortable feelings like anger and sadness. If you deny them, you deny a part of yourself. Allow yourself to express them in a healthy, respectful way. You don’t have to “live” there – in negativity – but acknowledge them and then ask yourself “what do you need sweetheart to fix this?”. The do that.
- Be honest with This one can be harder than it seems. Some of us are so good at denial, self-deception, and the art of distraction that we don’t even know we’re doing it. Honesty is key in all relationships and your relationship with yourself is no different. Clearly, you can’t love your entire messy self if you’re lying, minimizing, or making excuses. True self-love means taking responsibility and accountability.
- Let yourself off the hook for your mistakes and imperfections – remember we’re all flawsome (flawed but awesome) but there are no prizes handed out for beating yourself up – no “I gave myself the hardest time” certificate. One common barrier to self-love is that we all have some things in our past that we haven’t forgiven ourselves for. Hindsight really is 20/20, which is why it’s completely unfair to judge your past self with the knowledge you have now. Remember: “when we know better we do better”.
- Our motions create our emotions. Move baby, move! When we move we allow the various forms of energy in our body the space to shift around. If we’re sedentary, watch too much TV, or spend all of our day sitting in front of a computer, then our creative, emotional, sexual energies tend to get trapped in our bodies. And when we’re regularly motionless with our bodies, that stuck energy often turns into anxiety and sadness. So instead of sitting in an office chair or on the sofa all day, get up and move as often as you can. Our bodies love to be active and don’t do well when we’re stuck in one place. And the added mental health of getting outside and looking up at the sky is HUGE!
- Make having fun and laughing a priority. Pop something fun on your ta-da! list every week. Don’t neglect it or cancel because you have too much work to do or someone else is pulling you in a different direction. Just like rest, we all need fun in order to feel good. When I first created “Feed Your Fairy” I took a play inventory (aka I sat down with myself and asked “What did I used to do for fun before life became so serious?”) and then started honouring the answers that came to me.
- Regularly make time for rest and relaxation. Between all of your healthy meals, optimized sleep habits, and playfulness, you want to make sure you’re also allowing yourself the time and space to breathe and relax. Take naps when you feel like it. Treat yourself to spa treatments when you want them. Let yourself soak in Epsom salt & aromatherapy oil baths for an hour when the mood strikes you. Rest and relaxation are vital in the self-care/self-love journey. Let your soul breathe. Occasionally allow yourself to have no plans.
- Treat yourself. A treat is something special that you just give yourself. Unlike a reward, it doesn’t have to be earned. Be good to yourself by giving yourself treats “just because”.
- Practice Gratitude. Practicing gratitude is one of the simplest ways to focus on the good in yourself and in your life and is the best way to attract more of what you want into your life. I love gratitude jars (click HERE to watch my YouTube video on gratitude jars) and gratitude journals. Do this every day and watch the sunshine grow in your heart.
- Spend time alone. Seriously. All alone. Especially during the time of COVID 19 which we are in as I’m writing this. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or married, one of the best ways that you can cultivate a loving relationship with yourself is to regularly spend some time alone. Regardless of your introvert or extrovert status, everyone can benefit from some genuine alone time. I’m a massive extrovert who loves her own company. And because I have a tendency to take on board others’ emotions I sometimes need to just ‘be’. Take a lengthy walk in the morning. Lie on your bed and breathe deeply. Meditate in the evening for a few minutes. You might be amazed at what thoughts and revelations bubble up for you when you give yourself the time and space to simply listen to yourself.
- Limit the junk food that your brain consumes. Just like your body feels grumpy if you feed it awful things consistently, so too does your mood suffer when you feed your mind rubbish.
- Stop watching the news. Somewhat depending on which country you live in, there’s a good chance that the majority of news that is presented to you is negative, useless, and fear-mongering. Stop consuming it as much as possible. Instead, consume the brain-nutrient equivalent of organic, nutritious information – books, like-minded communities (click HERE for information on my Feed Your Fairy Membership), podcasts, etc.
- Stop watching ‘reality TV.’ I used to Love Island. Then I stopped because I felt yukky when I watched it. It was like McDonalds for my soul. It felt good at the time, but the diet of unrealistic body images, gossip, and back-biting made me feel grossed out. It doesn’t serve you to watch people so you can secretly judge their behaviour.
- Unfollow or unfriend people in your social media newsfeed that only spread negativity. I have a few thousand friends on Facebook but I only follow the people that I love to be ‘around’. The people that lift me up, make me feel good, have something beautiful or lovely to say. Be as intentional about cultivating the information that you consume as the food that you put in your body. They both matter more than you think they do.
If you would like to learn all about putting yourself TOP of your own priority list, and join in with a BEAUTIFUL group of women who will support, love, and cherish you as well as to benefit from bite-sized coaching, live weekly coaching, and so much more, have a look at my Feed Your Fairy Membership HERE which is bring so much joy and happiness to so many women.