Skip to main content

Why You Should Avoid Fake It Until You Make It (and Instead Adopt Grow Until You Flow)

2nd August 2020
Get started with Kate Grosvenor

Get Started

If you would like to talk to me about my 1-2-1 coaching or other coaching programmes, please book in a free consulation call

Can Fake It Until You Make It Work?

Faking it until you make it only works when you correctly identify something within you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back. Behaving like the person you want to become is about changing the way you feel and the way you think. This method is about changing your behaviour first and trusting the feelings will follow. As long as your motivation is in the right place it could help you achieve your goals.

However, outside of that one instance, I have an issue with Fake it Til You Make It. I truly do. It’s genuinely bad advice.

So What’s the Problem?

“Fake it ’til you make it” is not a new expression. I’m sure you’ve heard it, and most of you have said it.

What it encourages you to do is to fake confidence, so that eventually you will become confident. I get it. I get why it’s attractive but here’s the fundamental flaw in this idea –

You Will Never Feel Good Enough

One reason that people advise you to fake it until you make it is because you don’t feel good enough – in a specific situation, context or a personal level. If you believe that, for whatever reason, you are not good enough, it’s not very comfortable and your brain will be searching for a way out. It’s kind of like thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. It will flare up comparititus (the disease of soul from comparing yourself to other women) and can let imposter syndrome raise it’s ugly head too. So trying to pretend you have confidence to cover up your insecurity has the potential to make your insecurities stronger and more prevalent – thus defeating the objective entirely.

You won’t learn anything

One of my favourite things in life is the beauty that is learning. Every day is a school day and I am the perpetual student. I just love learning something new. If you can turn around and say “I don’t know, please teach me” you will get to learn something new. It might be a massive light bulb moment in career, your life, your thinking, who knows? But if you are too busy faking it and acting like you know everything, no one will teach you anything and you will miss out on so much potential for growth.

Faking anything is exhausting

Maintaining a confident pose while you actually feel shy or insecure about something is exhausting. Your mind will be full of battling your negative self talk (Shit FM as I call it) and you just won’t be open to a real and honest conversation.

Authenticity is golden

This one is super straightforward, people value authenticity. Simply put, people don’t want to be lied to. They want to trust those who surround them, If that trust is broken, it can take years to rebuild, if ever. So instead of pretending you’ve got all  your sh*t together, tell the truth. Show people the real you. Vulnerability is a strength and not a weakness.

You’re Too Busy With Yourself

Faking it or pretending is hard work. It necessitates that you’re absolutely focused on this new persona and remembering how this ‘confident’ portrayal of you would act, talk and behave. If this is the case, how much of your attention cold possibly be on the other person? The other person in your relationship? The other person in the meeting? In the Interview?

When we don’t actively listen or participate with other people they know and they feel, consciously or subconsciously, rejected or not valued. Non of this benefits you and especially doesn’t make them feel good. So ask yourself – are you trying to be cool, calm and collected for your own reasons or do you genuinely want to interact, get to know, and share things with the person in front of you?

It ignores growth as a concept

And speaking of growth…growth is where is it’s at. If you want to be a better women, a woman more in charge of her life, a woman who is the best possible version of you then that takes growth, pure and simple.

Figure out who that woman is. And in order to be that woman, what do you have in your life – in terms of relationships, material possessions, etc. And, in order to have all that in your life, what do you need to do. The last step, is when you figure out what you need to do, what skills or traits are lacking? What areas do you need to grow in? What needs work? Be honest and accept where you are and where you need to be and don’t be frightened of the growth journey.

It honestly is a think of beauty and is the only way to achieve your goals long term and ensure your mindset is keeping up and is fully charged.

Want more? I’m launching my Create Your Beautiful Life Vision Board Workshop soon. You can sign up for the waiting list by emailing me on [email protected] and using “Beautiful Life” in the subject.

Watch the video by clicking HERE