Month: February 2021

How to Love YOUrself More

Written on 15th February 2021. Posted in Mindset & Motivation.

I know that Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but it gave me food for thought… if the person we spend most time with, the person who we listen to most, the one who has most influence of over the happiness of life is actually ourselves, then surely we should spend time learning to love ourselves truly, madly, deeply.

So, then my next thought was, what does that look like? How to we do that? If you can agree with me that your real work in life is to work on yourself, feed your fairy, and keep your cup full. You can only offer the rest of the world (and the people that you love) your full self when you’re full.

Your real purpose is to honour that.

I used to get upset when people would make comments like “oh, she’s so full of herself” and now I consider myself lucky that I’m so “full” of myself. I am full. My fairy is light and shiny.

With that in mind, my darling girl, here are my top tips to loving yourself:

Say “no” when you need to. It’s a full sentence sweetheart. Boundaries are an essential form of self-care because they let others know what you expect and your respect levels.
Don’t compareyourself to others – comparatitus is the thief of all joy and has ZERO benefit to you sweetheart.
Be truly present. If you’re watching a funny film, watch it. If you’re working, block out at least an hour to get into the flow. If you’re with your children, give them your full attention.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Our feelings are an integral part of who we are. You can’t be an authentic person without acknowledging and feeling all of your feelings. Don’t shy away from the uncomfortable feelings like anger and sadness. If you deny them, you deny a part of yourself. Allow yourself to express them in a healthy, respectful way. You don’t have to “live” there – in negativity – but acknowledge them and then ask yourself “what do you need sweetheart to fix this?”. The do that.
Be honest with This one can be harder than it seems. Some of us are so good at denial, self-deception, and the art of distraction that we don’t even know we’re doing it. Honesty is key in all relationships and your relationship with yourself is no different. Clearly, you can’t love your entire messy self if you’re lying, minimizing, or making excuses. True self-love means taking responsibility and accountability.
Let yourself off the hook for your mistakes and imperfections – remember we’re all flawsome (flawed but awesome) but there are no prizes handed out for beating yourself up – no “I gave myself the hardest time” certificate. One common barrier to self-love is that we all have some things in our past that we haven’t forgiven ourselves for. Hindsight really is 20/20, which is why it’s completely unfair to judge your past self with the knowledge you have now. Remember: “when we know better we do better”.
Our motions create our emotions. Move baby, move! When we move we allow the various forms of energy in our body the space to shift around. If we’re sedentary, watch too much TV, or spend all of our day sitting in front of a computer, then our creative, emotional, sexual energies tend to get trapped in our bodies. And when we’re regularly motionless with our bodies, that stuck energy often turns into anxiety and sadness. So instead of sitting in an office chair or on the sofa all day, get up and move as often as you can. Our bodies love to be active and don’t do well when we’re stuck in one place. And the added mental health of getting outside and looking up at the sky is HUGE!
Make having fun and laughing a priority. Pop something fun on your ta-da! list every week. Don’t neglect it or cancel because you have too much work to do or someone else is pulling you in a different direction. Just like rest, we all need fun in order to feel good. When I first created “Feed Your Fairy” I took a play inventory (aka I sat down with myself and asked “What did I used to do for fun before life became so serious?”) and then started honouring the answers that came to me.
Regularly make time for rest and relaxation. Between all of your healthy meals, optimized sleep habits, and playfulness, you want to make sure you’re also allowing yourself the time and space to breathe and relax. Take naps when you feel like it. Treat yourself to spa treatments when you want them. Let yourself soak in Epsom salt & aromatherapy oil baths for an hour when the mood strikes you. Rest and relaxation are vital in the self-care/self-love journey. Let your soul breathe. Occasionally allow yourself to have no plans.
Treat yourself. A treat is something special that you just give yourself. Unlike a reward, it doesn’t have to be earned. Be good to yourself by giving yourself treats “just because”.
Practice Gratitude. Practicing gratitude is one of the simplest ways to focus on the good in yourself and in your life and is the best way to attract more of what you want into your life. I love gratitude jars (click HERE to watch my YouTube video on gratitude jars) and gratitude journals. Do this every day and watch the sunshine grow in your heart.
Spend time alone. Seriously. All alone. Especially during the time of COVID 19 which we are in as I’m writing this. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or married, one of the best ways that you can cultivate a loving relationship with yourself is to regularly spend some time alone. Regardless of your introvert or extrovert status, everyone can benefit from some genuine alone time. I’m a massive extrovert who loves her own company. And because I have a tendency to take on board others’ emotions I sometimes need to just ‘be’. Take a lengthy walk in the morning. Lie on your bed and breathe deeply. Meditate in the evening for a few minutes. You might be amazed at what thoughts and revelations bubble up for you when you give yourself the time and space to simply listen to yourself.
Limit the junk food that your brain consumes. Just like your body feels grumpy if you feed it awful things consistently, so too does your mood suffer when you feed your mind rubbish.
1. 1. Stop watching the news. Somewhat depending on which country you live in, there’s a good chance that the majority of news that is presented to you is negative, useless, and fear-mongering. Stop consuming it as much as possible. Instead, consume the brain-nutrient equivalent of organic, nutritious information – books, like-minded communities (click HERE for information on my Feed Your Fairy Membership), podcasts, etc.
  2. Stop watching ‘reality TV.’ I used to Love Island. Then I stopped because I felt yukky when I watched it. It was like McDonalds for my soul. It felt good at the time, but the diet of unrealistic body images, gossip, and back-biting made me feel grossed out. It doesn’t serve you to watch people so you can secretly judge their behaviour.
  3. Unfollow or unfriend people in your social media newsfeed that only spread negativity. I have a few thousand friends on Facebook but I only follow the people that I love to be ‘around’. The people that lift me up, make me feel good, have something beautiful or lovely to say. Be as intentional about cultivating the information that you consume as the food that you put in your body. They both matter more than you think they do.

If you would like to learn all about putting yourself TOP of your own priority list, and join in with a BEAUTIFUL group of women who will support, love, and cherish you as well as to benefit from bite-sized coaching, live weekly coaching, and so much more, have a look at my Feed Your Fairy Membership HERE which is bring so much joy and happiness to so many women.

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

Galentines Day – What it is and how to celebrate it in 2021

Written on 11th February 2021. Posted in Lifestyle & Love.

What is Galentine’s Day and where did this come from?

First popularized by the show Parks and Recreation back in 2010, Galentine’s Day was character Leslie Knope’s way of celebrating the female friendships in her life. As Leslie said on the show,

“Every February 13, my ladyfriends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home, and we just come and kick it, breakfast-style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It’s like Lilith Fair, minus the angst. Plus frittatas.”

Leslie’s version of Galentine’s Day always involved brunch (breakfast food was her favourite), so many of us continue that tradition with our girlfriends.

Over the years more and more people have started celebrating the unofficial holiday, and I wholeheartedly cheer the idea. It’s the perfect excuse to get dressed up, have a few drinks with your girlfriends, and celebrate your friendship.

Obviously, with the way the world is right now, we aren’t able to see our girlfriends this year – but as your friends are your biggest support system let’s make sure they feel the love by making Galentines Day 2021 one to remember. Here are some ideas to help you celebrate this most lovely of not-so-official-but-we-love-them holidays.

Watch along Disney+

Watch a chick flick, an old school favourite or even an old Disney cartoon with Disney+ and their Groupwatch feature.

You can watch a film together even though you’re apart with up to six close friends.

You’ll be able to pause, rewind and react together but you’ll need a subscription for this to work.

You can sign up here.

Make some cocktails

Get together and find some cocktail ideas that you all like and all have the ingredients at home and then you can make them together and see how much fun you have!

These are some great ideas here– from our beloved cosmopolitan to sex on the beach – there are sure to be some that you love.

Have a pamper evening

There really is no better day than Galentines to have a pamper evening. Just because you’re not feeling the man-love this year, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love yourself. Time to cut those cucumbers, stick the face masks on, and get some nail polish. It’s time for a bit of self-love and after this last year, I think we all deserve it!

You may not be able to give each other mani-pedis this year, but you can definitely break out those products you’ve stocked up and never used and have fun experimenting.

Put on a zoom variety night

Put your talents on display with a virtual talent show. Pick a theme — maybe friendship, or celebrating strong women in film— and let your creativity run wild. Everyone in the group can choose to perform any act of their choice, as long as it relates to the theme. That means songs, poems, artwork, or dancing, magic shows, whatever grabs your fancy.

Send chocolates to the girls

Most girls love choccies and there are still possibilities to send some to each other before Saturday. Think of their delight and joy opening a beautiful box.

Play BFF trivia

Have each friend write 10 questions about themselves, with four multiple-choice answers for each question. Ask each other the questions and write down your answers. When you’re done asking questions, tally up who got the most questions right. Winner gets some bubbly sent.

Whatever you do, celebrate each other, and your relationships. Make each other feel loved, cherished, and appreciated.

If you would like to join in with a BEAUTIFUL group of women who will support, love, and cherish you as well as to benefit from bite-sized coaching, live weekly coaching, and so much more, have a look at my Feed Your Fairy Membership HERE which is bring so much joy and happiness to so many women.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

How to Cope Better with Working from Home

Written on 8th February 2021. Posted in Mindset & Motivation.

How to Cope Better with Working from Home

Let’s face it, working from our PJs may have seemed like fun for the first few weeks and grabbing back time by no commuting was fab…but fast forward 11 months and the cracks are more than beginning to show – for many the cracks are turning into great big ravine and we’re in danger of falling down.

We may have secretly envied those that get to stay at home for this beautiful image of a ‘work-life’ balance, until we got their ourselves, and the reality is that those who find themselves actually doing their work from home report higher levels of stress, according to a 2017 study conducted by the United Nations.

While many people regard working from home as a goal for overall work-life balance, those who find themselves actually doing their work from home report higher levels of stress, according to a 2017 study conducted by the United Nations.

So, what is Stressful About Working from Home?

One of the problems? We kind of feel guilty about not feeling ok…surely, working from home should be easier, right? I mean, no more toxic co-working situations, stressful battle through work-hour traffic, the feeling of your boss breathing down your neck, never being alone, etc. So, we feel ashamed that we’re not enjoying it more. The question is, why aren’t we?

Mobile Devices are Stressing Us

A significant part of this stress is due to higher use of mobile devices, which is perhaps unsurprising in light of other research that connects higher levels of stress to the habit of constantly checking one’s phone – also associated with to greater social isolation and even insomnia.

We also struggle with boundaries for these devices, so are more likely to be checking them in the evenings, first thing in the morning before we even have breakfast. Whereas before, we’re more likely to have structured working hours and only check emails during those hours – now the lines are a bit blurry. Which brings me onto my next point:

Lack of Structure

Feeling a lack of boundaries on when you need to start working (and stop!), when you need to get up and go to sleep, when to log off of social media, and more can feel like true liberation. This feeling, however, can gradually morph into a feeling of being out of control for many who don’t expect it.

Flexible work hours can become too-long work hours as you struggle to fight distractions and get all of your work done, or they can be too-short work hours as others feel entitled to our time because they don’t recognise that they are interrupting “work hours” for us.

Work hours need to be hours and not a succession of interrupted clusters of a few minutes at a time as few of us, if anyone, work as efficiently this way.

Later bedtimes can slip into less healthy sleep schedules. And social media can drain hours of productivity when we know there’s little risk of others coming into our workspace and demanding to know why we’re still on Facebook or Twitter.

For many people, that structure that once felt stifling can feel like scaffolding on which we can structure our lives; It can be difficult to create this same structure if we don’t realize it needs to be self-imposed. It can also be more challenging to function as efficiently without it.

Too Many Distractions

The problem is that there can be interruptions all day. From the Amazon delivery guy, to the children popping in to ask something, from the cat bringing in a live mouse, a welling meaning neighbour to the bins needing emptying, the fire going out… you name it. It can all disrupt our flow.

Email, television, and the ping and chirp of social media can all throw us off as it may seem simple to indulge in a few minutes but it’s very possible to be distracted for hours by these things. Social media can provide a seemingly endless supply of fodder to focus on. Once we look up, it may be surprising but entirely possible to see that hours have passed with little to no productivity, putting more stress on the rest of the day.

Difficulty Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries–creating a structure in your relationship and schedule and ensuring that you don’t blur the lines between productivity and leisure time, between socializing time and working time–becomes vital when you work from home. This, however, can be more challenging than many people expect.

Setting boundaries with others, as mentioned, can be difficult when people expect that you should have time to talk when they do. Setting boundaries with yourself can be even more difficult when you are feeling a lack of motivation.

When you work from home so you can take care of your children during the day or in the afternoons, it can be even more challenging as you may feel pulled between competing loyalties and overwhelmed by the responsibilities of your various roles. Again, it can be challenging to set boundaries in these situations, and those boundaries may be constantly challenged.

Social Isolation

Setting boundaries with others can be so tricky when people expect that you should have time to talk when they do. Setting boundaries with yourself can be even more difficult when you are feeling a lack of motivation.

Lack of Focus

While many people who work from home are self-employed, it can be paradoxically difficult to remain true to your personal goals when you have so many distractions and energy hoovers. Maintaining a focus on the future is vital if you have goals for changes you want to make but staying motivated when you are juggling many roles can be a challenge in itself.

If you find your resolve weakening, you can start to lose hope that you will achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself.

One of my favourite tools for staying motivated, fixed on my priorities and working towards my goals is to have my vison board in my office where I can keep seeing it. Click HERE to learn about vision boards and how they can help.

When I find myself wondering off track I remind myself to ask the question “Who is the woman I want to be?” to pull myself back.

Tips for Managing the Stress of Working at Home

1. Set a Schedule

While it’s wonderfully freeing to set your own schedule, it’s vital that you do set a schedule rather than working when you find the time. If you wait until you feel like working, the distractions will come from all sides and swallow up your time, so setting a schedule and sticking to it is a vital component of working from home for most people. There are several useful tricks for doing so, however, from calendars and apps to detailed to-do lists.

Here are some things to keep in mind when determining when you’ll work:

Work when you work best. Many people find that working in the morning when they feel rested can provide a more productive experience than beginning work halfway through the day after cleaning the house and doing other non-work-related activities. This isn’t true in all cases, so feel free to experiment if this advice doesn’t seem to ring true for you.
Prioritize the challenging tasks first. Rather than letting unpleasant or difficult tasks hang over your head and create stress when you think about them, pushing yourself to get the most difficult jobs done first can help you to clear your plate of those less exciting tasks, and you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment and increased energy and satisfaction throughout the day.
Make use of technology. There are apps that can help you to track your social media usage (to help yourself use it less), remind yourself to work when you become distracted for too long, create to-do lists, and more. Learn what’s available and use these tools to your advantage.

2. Make a beautiful work space

A dedicated work area has everything you need a signifies to your brain that it’s time to work. Make sure it works for you in terms of a good chair for posture, the right table/desk height, enough electric plugs etc. so you’re not distracted by having to switch thing around.

Don’t forget to take breaks.
Have work clothes

Genuinely, even if these are just comfies, make sure that they specifically for work. When you stay in your pjs that whole imposter syndrome will come and tap you on the shoulder and the days will blur into one a little bit too much. Even if you’re wearing yoga pants on the bottom, try to put something work-ish on the top and wear makeup, perfume, etc. whatever you would do if you were going out to work. Dressing for work helps to set the right mental tone.

Boundaries are Important (see above).
Tread gently with yourself

You’re doing your best sweetheart, it’s just not easy right now. Do what you can, know that this isn’t forever and try and follow these tips to make things a little easier.

Stay connected

Stay in touch with your work colleagues and team. Even if it’s just a ‘hi, how are you today?’ message. This will help make sure that you (and they) don’t feel too isolated. Ask how other people are getting on, and share what you’re doing outside work. A small amount of self-disclosure can go a long way toward building trust and a sense of belonging.

Record achievement

Find ways to make each task more enjoyable and rewarding in itself. Realising the intrinsic value of your work can bring its own motivation. If tasks really are routine and meh, give yourself “treats” when they’re done. For example, allow yourself your favourite barista coffee for completing an awkward task successfully. Make sure you tick things off your ta-da list when they’re done.

Get focused sweetheart.

Make sure you can get into the flow by minimising distractions – even if you have to put your ear buds in to drown out what’s going on in the house outside of work.

If you would like to watch The uncompliKated Show live on Facebook (on twice a week) which is my simple ideas for a beautiful life, just CLICK HERE to be notified when I’m live. Hope to see you there. Kate x

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash